Sun, Sea, The Hulk,..... (and me?!)

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A hot summers day - on a hot sandy beach. Beach towel on the floor, sun cream applied. Muffin asleep in her buggy whilst Bear and I tuck into a couple of double thick fudge ice cream sundaes.

Bear, in his typical 'Bear, Ruler Of The World' pose, is starring out over his minions.

'He has big boobies, Daddy'.
I turn my head and I'm confronted by
an incredibly large breasted woman.
 I offer my best -' I have no control and therefore take no responsability'- smile.
'He's a she, Bear'.
Never a bad time to work on grammar.
'She's got big boobies!'
I mouth the word 'sorry'.
It's not working. Big booby woman is not happy.
'Lovely ice cream, eh Bear?'.
Change of subject normally works a treat.
'You have very big boobies!'
Oh,dear God!
'Bear!'
'What is it Dad?'
'Enough about the big boobies, please!'
I this time offer my - 'Kids, God bless them, raised eyebrows and ah-shocks' - smile.
Big Boobies is having none of it.

Quiet contemplation and a couple of big slurps on the fudge sundaes, while big breasted woman storms off to find another more suitable spot.

'Can we have one of those?'
Bear's pointing to a,....well, looks like a big muscular fella squeezed into an obscenely small pair of speedo's.
Best check.
'Have one of what, exactly?'
'Those!'
Yes. Bear's definitely now pointing at the big muscular fella with the way too small speedo's.
'Them big muscles! Can we have them big muscles?'
This is becoming way too loud and animated.
'Calm down, Bear. We don't want him to think we're starring at him, now do we?'
Too late. Mr Muscles definitely knows we're starring at him.
 As long as we look away we''ll be,....
'Can we, Daddy?'
'Seriously. Enough already!'
It worked! Bear's calmed down.
Phew.
Back in control.
'What did you mean by, can we have big muscles, Bear?'
'Well,....'
He pauses for a big slurp of his fudge sundae.
 '.....We could paint him all green and we could keep him in my bedroom  and he'd be my HULK! And when we play Super Heroes,...'
 Mr Muscles is coming over and my son is implying so many things that I almost don't know where to begin!!
'Is there a problem?'
A surprisingly high voice for someone so huge.
I need to take control.
'You're like the HULK!' Shouts Bear.
Shit! Too late.
'Roaaar!'
Bear's now flexing and grunting like the Incredible Hulk.
I'm dying here!
'My son here,..'
I gesture to my son who now seems to be putting on his very own 'Gun Show'.
'....... was just expressing how,.. big and,... muscular you are,.. and how great it would be to,....kind of,... paint you green,.. and play Super Heroes with you.'
'...YEAHHH!'...
Bear's still flexing!
'Obviously, no offence was intended'.
I've offered that all way to meekly.
Where's my alpha male when I need him?

There's a pause.

Now, a very awkward pause.

Then,

The Hulk laughs.

Thank you, Jesus!

'Oh no, that's fine. Very sweet actually'.
Bear's now flexing  like a loony, while I just find myself nodding my head and smiling.
The Hulkster starts reaching into his speedo's.

What the,......?!

'Hey little Hulky.'
He's now passing a small card to my son.
'Get your Daddy to call me sometime. I'd love to flex around with him'.

(Did he just,....?? )

'Sure will Mr Hulk! Yeeeaaahhh!!!'
Bear's in Hulk heaven.
The Hulk then winks at me, flexes his torso and slowly saunters away.

(Yeah. He Did!)

A long pause.

'Daddy. What you doing?'
'Packing up and going home, big fella.'
'Can we play Super Heroes when we get home, Daddy?'
'Not today, Bear. Not today.'


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